Pine Rest 2017

Day Five at Pine Rest. Or, I’ve got your number, hussy. Or, everyone thinks they can do research *sigh*

Thursday, February 16, 2017
Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Everyone wants me to have a nice day:
HAVE A NICE DAY!!

by Jeannie M. Hahl, A.A., B.S., M.S.

Today, Buster came to see me. We met alone in one of the psychiatrists’ offices. I’d begun to understand why they wouldn’t allow me to see a rabbi. Maybe that’s going too far. I’d begun to understand why rabbis didn’t pay a lot of visits to the Oak Unit. The chaplains were conducting an experiment. How novel. I’d been teaching research methods (SOC 310) and statistics (SOC 210) for the Sociology Department at U of M since September 2016. Even before that, I knew a thing or two (or three) about research.

I found the instruction page for their study, which had been glued to the outside of a folder in the female psychiatrist’s office. I’ll return to that bitch later. The form includes the following information:

Forgiveness/Virtues/Pastoral Contacts Research Study
ON ALL ADULT INPATIENT UNITS

Consent to be Contacted Forms (to be filled out by Dr, PA, or NP)

Please “consent” a patient to be contacted for the study on your FIRST VISIT with them because:

  • For Sunday-Thursday admissions: Patient MUST complete questionnaire #1 within 48 hours of admission
  • For Friday-Saturday admissions: Patient MUST complete questionnaire #1 by Monday or Tuesday

Criteria:

  • 18 years old or older
  • Reads and writes in English
  • No active psycosis
  • No 1×1 suicide watch
  • No cognitive impairments that would make filling out a survey difficult
  • Patients do not need to have forgiveness or spiritual issues to be involved in the study.

You may sign as witness for the patient’s signature.

For timely follow-up, please email your unit chaplain when you have filled out a consent form with a patient.

What the fuck? I’d been stolen from Ann Arbor and I was a doctoral student who teaches research methods/social statistics. Some of these women can’t get out of bed due to suicidal ideation. Most of the men and women are taking anti-psychotics; you can tell the doped-up from the regular crazy with a makeshift sobriety test: look into their eyes.

Where else is Pine Rest getting their fucking warm bodies for this research project? And who’s the Principal Investigator? What does the consent form look like?

I have journal entries from days when I was being drugged with Atavan and/or Seroquel–it looks like a five-year-old was writing her thoughts down. It sounds like a five-year-old was writing her thoughts down.

If Adolph Hitler flew in today, they’d send a Limosine anyway . . .

Have we learned nothing from the Nuremberg Trials? What about the Tuskegee Airmen who we watched die of Syphilus? Was I in a sort of Stanford Prison experiment?

What did they want to learn? I know the the population: American men and women with mood disorders. I know the sample:  Michigan residents (male and female) who are hospitalized in the state of Michigan. I know the research site: Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services. Which IRB approved their study? What the fuck is going on?

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