1990s · 2000s · 2010s · Comedy · Doctoral studies · Feminism (white + black and everything in between) · Film · Gender & Society · Music · Pine Rest 2017 · Self-care · Social demography · Socie Dinner Party

Day Seven at Pine Rest. Or, a “dyke whore,” no, that don’t make me. Or, I don’t give a damn about my bad reputation.

Saturday, February 18, 2017
Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services
Grand Rapids, Michigan

To all the guys/girls I’ve fucked/teased before
by Jeannie M. Hahl, A.A., B.S., M.S.

I remember talking to Jennifer the patient (read: inmate) on this day. She was weird; weren’t we all, though? I flirted with Kevin, too. Shelley, Tabi and I had resurrected the topic of sex–I hadn’t really thought about sex in seven years. Seven fucking years. Oh man. I had a lot to think/say/yell. So, I purged–and I continue to purge–because “you’re only as sick as your secrets.”

Breakfast (7:45 – 8:15 a.m.)

I think Kevin talked to me on this morning. He would lean against the door that separated the men’s and women’s dining rooms and would talk through the cracks in the door frame. He wanted me to tell the women not to go to group–I don’t remember our weekend schedule for group, bet it’s online. Anyway, Kevin wanted us to join him for the sunrise. He was was trying to take care of the women just as he’d been caring for the men. But the women didn’t need another caretaker; they needed to give care first and receive care second. Kevin took one approach; I took the other. He was my rival and ally. The feeling was mutual.

Around this time started dressing a little . .. insane, for lack of a better word. His underwear became skullcaps; his socks were pulled high over his pant legs; he had the sandals-and-socks-look down. His sleep was just as erratic. He would nap all day and stay awake all night. When he was awake, the staff had conversations about putting him back to sleep. When he was asleep, they would tease each other about how funny it would be if Kevin were awake. Kevin was a joke. His confinement was amusement. I didn’t feel that way, and I hated them for deriving humor from this inhumane place. Fuck Pine Rest.

Lunchtime (11:45 – 12:15 p.m.)

Jennifer called me a Dyke Whore. ha! She called me a fucking dyke whore. God, that’s beautiful. I’m an empiricist, so I needed data to confirm or deny the claims that had been brought before me. I also needed hypotheses, research and otherwise; Jennifer was kind enough to supply the research question. Now, I could conduct a study (see below).

Dinnertime (4:45 – 5:15 p.m.)

And Tabi, Shelley and I congregated in the TV room for dinner to avoid Sonya. Chicky showed up and said: I’ve had sex with 200 men. I was like, “well, shit, Chicky. That’s a lot of dick.” She said: Yeah. haha I love Chicky. The wild Chick-y wandered off and I finished my conversation with Shelley and Tabi. Since I was in a growing “space,” what advice could they give?

  • Smell the roses: Don’t feel guilty for anything you do for yourself. Even if you’re wallowing in shit, find the rose.
  • Stay focused on your life goals:  If you aren’t happy, you can’t make anyone else happy.
  • Be happy:  Find your inner peace. If you love your job, it won’t feel like work.
  • Do you (and then do him)

Evening (5:30 p.m. to 11 p.m.)

American Women who Claim that Other American Women are Dyke Whores:
Can we really trust them?

by Jeannie M. Hahl
Department of Sociology
University of Michigan

Given the increasing prevalence of dyke whoredom throughout the United States, American women have recently begun identifying dyke whores to give relief to American males.

Research Methods

The current study seeks to determine whether young, white, middle-class women are indeed dyke whores, or whether this class of American women has been unfairly labeled by American women who fear the Dyke Whore Movement (DWM). In order to conduct this study, we have identified a young-ish, white-ish, American-ish woman named Jeannie M. Hahl. It has been argued that Ms. Hahl’s life exemplifies the dyke whore typology.

Therefore, our current research question asks: Is Jeannie M. Hahl a dyke whore? Furthermore, our null hypothesis states that Ms. Hahl is not a dyke whore, while our research hypothesis states the opposite: Ms. Hahl is a dyke whore.

Ho: Jeannie is not a dyke whore
Ha: Jeannie is a dyke whore

Data

Data for this project come from detailed information gathered over the previous 22 years, a period spanning 1994 to 2017. In other words, we recorded all of Ms. Hahl’s sexual partners between age 14 and age 36. These data are detailed and include identifying information regarding Ms. Hahl’s sexual partners and the nature of the sex they had. Therefore, given the sensitive nature of this study, we present a summary of these data below.

  1. Male partners:  Intercourse = 8; Non-intercourse = 5
  2. Female partners: Intercourse = 1; Non-intercourse = 1

Results

Based on these data, it is impossible to conclude that Ms. Hahl is a dyke whore.

Conclusion

Despite our best efforts to paint Jeannie M. Hahl as a dyke whore, we would require more extensive data in order to establish this social fact.

Limitations

Despite our best efforts to minimize bias in this study, social problems cannot be studied in a laboratory. Therefore, there is always room for confounding variables in such studies.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s