1990s · Film · Music · Pine Rest 2017 · Poetry

Day Ten at Pine Rest. Or, don’t you know who I am , yet? Or, answer the fucking phone . . . Or, alright, I’ll just sit here and think.

Thursday, February 21, 2017
Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Ugh! Is he worth it?
From my prison-issued journal

by Jeannie M. Hahl, A.A., B.S., M.S.

PRELOGUE

10th day in the slammer; with Tabi and Chicky, 5:30 p.m.

ACT II

I’ve been catching up with an old friend who I once loved and who once broke my heart into a million jagged little pieces. How can I trust such a person; someone who didn’t know how to love me? I can sure fuck him while I continue to look for the right guy (or woman?). I don’t even know if he still loves me. We kissed in the rain and in his bed. Did he forget? I should ask…

11 a.m.
After a nap

He didn’t answer the phone; I called several times and left several messages. Am I demanding too much from our friendship? Recently, I’ve felt that our spark has been reignited–am I grasping at straws?

Should I worry about our relationship? What if we kiss again and that leads to touching and touching leads to sex? Will there be no mystery left? If so what is the mystery? How he feels about me? How I really feel about him?

EPILOGUE

Is he my soulmate? Should I make a move? What would “Harry” from When Harry Met Sally do? Ugh, nerd alert.

The Greeks have multiple words for love:

  1. Agape: Love for humanity (charity)
  2. Eros:  Sexual passion
  3. Philia:  Sibling/family relationships (Oephilia)
  4. Pragma:  Mature love > deep understanding; compromises
  5. Ludus:  Playful love
  6. Philautia: Love of self

Unrelated [to the above content]: How does one become a sex addict? Could be childhood trauma. Could have access to pornography or other graphic sexual material at a young age?Could be friends sexually acting out with one another?

“Eros involved a loss of control that frightened the Greeks . . .”

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