2010s · Ann Arbor, MI · Domestic abuse · Feminism (white + black and everything in between) · First world problems · Music · Social Work · Uncategorized

The night I ran away from home. Or, big dreams, little town. Or, omg my husband is so stupid.

Sunday, March 19, 2017
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Tonight, I will transcribe a video that I left for my father on Saturday, February 11, 2017 at 3:00 AM EST. If you don’t understand the references, google them. I can’t do everything; Jeannie has her own problems, okay? xoxo

Well…I ran away from home. That’s my street (shows street). I’m so pissed at my husband; he keeps trying to do all this shit that he thinks is best for me. And my father-in-law just came out on the porch and told me I needed to listen to him because he’s my husband. My husband’s stupid. No offense, Ben. You’re fucking stupid.

I’ve been enabling him for a long time. I helped him apply to college that he didn’t get into. I helped him retake classes that he failed in. I worked really hard on turning him from a bourgie white man from Ann Arbor, Michigan with a disabled brother, and that was his worst complaint, into a fully functioning person. And, uh, it’s been 10 years and it’s just not my job anymore.

So, I think I might just go. And I don’t have my…I have my ID. I have my school ID on me. I have to find my license. I think he’s hiding my credit card and my…I think he’s trying to keep me from leaving. He can’t stop me from walking; I’m pretty strong. I mean, these are first world problems. But, I don’t know,  I feel like feeling controlled is relative.

And uh…I was really controlled in Ann Arbor. When I first started dating Ben I was a rocket. I was studying Social Work at the University of Michigan. Listening to all these upper-middle class white people tell me what poor people know and what they don’t. I know poor people. I was a poor person. And I’ve also had a lot of privilege. And in 36 years, I’ve experienced downward and upward mobility. And, my god, my husband can only…it’s like your perspective is “up.” And if you’ve never been all the way down, you just can’t see what’s below you. And you know how alcoholics, they have to hit a rock bottom before they get sober…

And yea, I abused alcohol. And I…when I was 18…actually, when I was eight I huffed gas. And my neighbors had just lost their mother. There were six kids; they were like brothers to me. That’s the [Family surname]; Adam, Chad, Ryan, Ashley, Logan, Haze…and she was in a wheelchair, the mom. Her name was Cathy [surname] and she was married to Dale [family surname].

OK, I need to turn so he can’t find me. This is the kind of life I live. My husband’s so controlling I have to go walk around…

Singing I go out walkin’ after midnight…out in the moonlight…just like we used to do. I’m always walkin’ after midnight…NOT LOOKIN’ FOR YOU! I walk for miles along the highway. Eh, it’s just a little street. And that’s just my way of sayin’ I love you. I’m always walkin’ after midnight, lookin’ for you… I stopped to see a…that’s a nice house [shows $400,000 home]…weeping willow crying on it’s pillow. Maybe he’s crying for me. And as the skies turn bloomy. Gloomy not bloomy. Night winds whisper to me, “I’m lonesome as I can be.” Ugh, you can say that again. I go out walkin’ after midnight, out in the moonlight, just like we used to do. I’m always walkin’ after midnight searchin’ for you…

[looks at the camera in frustration, grunts] Why do we grow up and become our parents? I know why, I’m a social worker. I know why.