2010s · Ann Arbor, MI · Domestic abuse · Feminism (white + black and everything in between) · First world problems · Music · Social Work · Uncategorized

The night I ran away from home. Or, big dreams, little town. Or, omg my husband is so stupid.

Sunday, March 19, 2017
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Tonight, I will transcribe a video that I left for my father on Saturday, February 11, 2017 at 3:00 AM EST. If you don’t understand the references, google them. I can’t do everything; Jeannie has her own problems, okay? xoxo


Well…I ran away from home. That’s my street (shows street). I’m so pissed at my husband; he keeps trying to do all this shit that he thinks is best for me. And my father-in-law just came out on the porch and told me I needed to listen to him because he’s my husband. My husband’s stupid. No offense, Ben. You’re fucking stupid.

I’ve been enabling him for a long time. I helped him apply to college that he didn’t get into. I helped him retake classes that he failed in. I worked really hard on turning him from a bourgie white man from Ann Arbor, Michigan with a disabled brother, and that was his worst complaint, into a fully functioning person. And, uh, it’s been 10 years and it’s just not my job anymore.

So, I think I might just go. And I don’t have my…I have my ID. I have my school ID on me. I have to find my license. I think he’s hiding my credit card and my…I think he’s trying to keep me from leaving. He can’t stop me from walking; I’m pretty strong. I mean, these are first world problems. But, I don’t know,  I feel like feeling controlled is relative.

And uh…I was really controlled in Ann Arbor. When I first started dating Ben I was a rocket. I was studying Social Work at the University of Michigan. Listening to all these upper-middle class white people tell me what poor people know and what they don’t. I know poor people. I was a poor person. And I’ve also had a lot of privilege. And in 36 years, I’ve experienced downward and upward mobility. And, my god, my husband can only…it’s like your perspective is “up.” And if you’ve never been all the way down, you just can’t see what’s below you. And you know how alcoholics, they have to hit a rock bottom before they get sober…

And yea, I abused alcohol. And I…when I was 18…actually, when I was eight I huffed gas. And my neighbors had just lost their mother. There were six kids; they were like brothers to me. That’s the [Family surname]; Adam, Chad, Ryan, Ashley, Logan, Haze…and she was in a wheelchair, the mom. Her name was Cathy [surname] and she was married to Dale [family surname].

OK, I need to turn so he can’t find me. This is the kind of life I live. My husband’s so controlling I have to go walk around…

Singing I go out walkin’ after midnight…out in the moonlight…just like we used to do. I’m always walkin’ after midnight…NOT LOOKIN’ FOR YOU! I walk for miles along the highway. Eh, it’s just a little street. And that’s just my way of sayin’ I love you. I’m always walkin’ after midnight, lookin’ for you… I stopped to see a…that’s a nice house [shows $400,000 home]…weeping willow crying on it’s pillow. Maybe he’s crying for me. And as the skies turn bloomy. Gloomy not bloomy. Night winds whisper to me, “I’m lonesome as I can be.” Ugh, you can say that again. I go out walkin’ after midnight, out in the moonlight, just like we used to do. I’m always walkin’ after midnight searchin’ for you…

[looks at the camera in frustration, grunts] Why do we grow up and become our parents? I know why, I’m a social worker. I know why.

Intermission

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1980s · Film · Jack Nicholson · Journalism · Music · Socie Dinner Party · Stanley Kubric · Stephen King

Socie Dinner Party: The Shining (1980). Or, mental illness in the American west. Or, there ain’t nothing a little fresh air can’t cure.

Wednesday, March 14-15, 2017
Ann Arbor, Michigan

  • Days since Pine Rest: 12-13
  • Marital status: Questioning
  • Spiritual status: Judaism
  • Individual status: Questioning
  • Dietary status: Vegetarian, Kosher
  • Drug status: Lithium, coffee and cigarettes
  • Mood: Stable-ish
  • Personality: Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cookoo’s nest
  • Sexuality: No thanks.
  • American status: From womb to tomb
    • Regional status: Texan
  • Film studies status: Intermediate-advanced
  • Sociologist status: Advanced
    1. Sociology of Family and Social Demography
      • Specializations: The Family (1800-2017); Parenthood; Step-parenthood; Coresident union formation and dissolution
    2. Sociology of Gender/Sexuality
    3. Sociology of Race/ethnicity and immigration
    4. Sociology Culture
    5. Sociology of Health and Health Care
    6. Sociology of Education
  • Regions of Interest: American South and Midwest; France; Francophone Afrique; UK; Latin America

Continue reading “Socie Dinner Party: The Shining (1980). Or, mental illness in the American west. Or, there ain’t nothing a little fresh air can’t cure.”

1960s · 1990s · Bryn Mawr College · Film · Journalism · Music · Pine Rest 2017 · Self-care · Socie Dinner Party

Socie Dinner Party, Part III. Or Girl, Interrupted 50 years later. Or, the healing properties of going with the flow.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Ann Arbor, Michigan

  • Days since Pine Rest: 13
  • Marital status: Questioning
  • Spiritual status: Judaism
  • Individual status: Questioning
  • Dietary status: Vegetarian, Kosher
  • Drug status: Lithium, coffee and cigarettes
  • Mood: Stable-ish
  • Personality: Myself
  • Sexuality: No thanks.
  • American status: From womb to tomb
  • Sociologist status: From cradle to grave
  • Mental institution street cred: (2) full hospitalization (February-March 2017 and April-May 2016) and (1) partial hospitalization program (July 2016)

Continue reading “Socie Dinner Party, Part III. Or Girl, Interrupted 50 years later. Or, the healing properties of going with the flow.”

1990s · Ben Stiller · Comedy · Film · Journalism · Music · Social demography · Socie Dinner Party · Texas

Socie Dinner Party, Part II. Or, Michiganders ain’t Texans. Or, the healing properties of cinema . . . and Texas.

Monday, March 13 – Thursday, March 16, 2017
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Continue reading “Socie Dinner Party, Part II. Or, Michiganders ain’t Texans. Or, the healing properties of cinema . . . and Texas.”

1930s · Bryn Mawr College · Cary Grant · Film · Journalism · Katharine Hepburn · Music · Socie Dinner Party

Socie Dinner Party, Part I. Or be Katharine Hepburn. Or the healing properties of convincing the right person that you aren’t insane.

March 13-15, 2017
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Continue reading “Socie Dinner Party, Part I. Or be Katharine Hepburn. Or the healing properties of convincing the right person that you aren’t insane.”

1990s · Film · Music · Pine Rest 2017 · Poetry

Day Fourteen at Pine Rest. Or, I can’t get Jewel’s You Were Meant for Me out of my head. Or, jeez, how resounding does the rejection need to be, anyway?

February 25, 2017
Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services
Grand Rapids, Michigan

1990s · Film · Music · Pine Rest 2017 · Poetry

Day Ten at Pine Rest. Or, don’t you know who I am , yet? Or, answer the fucking phone . . . Or, alright, I’ll just sit here and think.

Thursday, February 21, 2017
Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Continue reading “Day Ten at Pine Rest. Or, don’t you know who I am , yet? Or, answer the fucking phone . . . Or, alright, I’ll just sit here and think.”